Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
