That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
