someone threw a dead crab at me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
