im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
