i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
