is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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