She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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