And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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