Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry amacphail hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(415): View more from California

Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

Fav 16 2538 1097
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.

Fav 66 6008 1846
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(970): View more from Colorado

I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.

Fav 26 4732 1016
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

Fav 54 4004 2943
share tweet
(864): View more from South Carolina

she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY

Fav 20 6593 1035
share tweet
(941): View more from Florida

Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.

Fav 11 1268 4495
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(732): View more from New Jersey

im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"

Fav 20 4768 1073
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(512): View more from Texas

In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.

Fav 9 2051 727
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(607): View more from New York

Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?

(1-607): View more from New York

Yup I waved.

Fav 0 80 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT