the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
