so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
