I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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