Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
