Whod you bang
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
