Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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