Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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