I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
