he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
