woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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