I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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