This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
