so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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