You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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