Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
