While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
