The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
