apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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