I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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