Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
