wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
