Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
