i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
