there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
