You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
