you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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