omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
