We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
