I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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