Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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