I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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