They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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