If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
