omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
