i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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