He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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