Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
