I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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