Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
