At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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