DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
