just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
